three

To choose what we have chosen is to bear what we must bear

"Why is this happening, Du Xun? You are looking at me, you tell me, why is this happening..."

Even the father had given up, and he weakly said to the mother and child: "Forget it, time is short, don't waste money..."

I stood in the darkness for a long time, remaining silent for an extended period, until my entire body became stiff from the cold before I turned to leave. Throughout it all, I did not utter a single sound. I believe Junliang might have known that there was only a wall separating us at that moment, yet she resolutely chose not to call out to me

Speaking of Ci Yuan, I just remembered that this bastard hasn't called me for a day. Damn it, does he even know how to write the word for death?

Yuan Zuyue saw the light from his mother's bedroom seeping through the crack of the door late at night. He intended to knock on the door, but as he approached, he heard the muffled and suppressed sound of crying from within.

Although I have attended ordinary schools throughout my life, I have always been the favorite student of my teachers. In his narration, I seem to see another Gu Ciyuan: intelligent, mischievous, and proud.

As long as one can still cry, everything will be fine

I waved my hands repeatedly, indicating that I do not need you to see me off; I can go back by myself.

Jun Liang felt a stir in her heart, but her rationality restrained her impulse. At this moment, her identity indeed made it inconvenient for her to say much.

That afternoon during class, he experienced an inexplicable bout of chest tightness, shortness of breath, and uncontrollable eyelid twitching... He had never been a superstitious person, but he also understood what was happening...

This was Junliang's first formal meeting with Chen Zhiqing. On the night of the singing event, Du Xun, fearing that the situation would spiral out of control, desperately took Chen Zhiqing away when I turned back to call for Junliang.

At that moment, Su Junliang had no energy left to contemplate Du Xun's words; she could only sob incessantly, nodding repeatedly: "I never want to see you again... I never want to hear anything about you... You, in the past, present, and future... have nothing to do with me..."

Wow, I can't help but marvel; I truly did not realize you were so talented

Du Xun's voice was soft, tinged with sorrow and helplessness: "Jun Liang, I have implicated you. If ending all this chaos can help you feel better, then from now on... I promise not to see you, not to disturb you, is that alright?"

The wall is adorned with mottled light and shadow, the corner is so tranquil, and Chen Zhiqing's voice is very soft, very soft

He said: "I really didn't expect that a seven-foot man would fall ill just like that... Lying in the hospital, so emaciated that he looked like a bag of bones, he no longer had the strength to speak, his cheeks were completely sunken, his skin was loose, and every bone was clearly visible..."

In his first year of high school, the originally ordinary family background turned into poverty following the death of his father

Well, that's a nice thought. If I become your girlfriend, what will happen to Ci Yuan?

When Junliang went to meet with Du Xun and Chen Zhiqing, I called Ziyuan to go to the bookstore together, but to my surprise, he told me: he has no time

Du Xun, two years ago at the airport, you came to see me off, and in front of my parents, I cried so helplessly. You told me that nothing would change... Because of your words, during the two years abroad, no matter how lonely and desolate the days were, I gritted my teeth and told myself that I could endure it. No matter how outstanding the boys were who showed interest in me, I always told them I had a boyfriend. Although we are not together, I love him very much, and I believe he loves me too.

Du Xun hesitated for a moment, but ultimately sat down beside Jun Liang

At that time, Yuan Zuyu, who was immersed in his studies, did not believe in luck or chance; he only believed in one thing: that hard work is rewarded by the heavens

In the past, he achieved good results without putting much effort, relying solely on his talent. However, after that, the determination he devoted to his studies left even his teachers astonished

The doctors candidly informed: "Even if chemotherapy can prolong life, it is a painful process, and... at most, it is only two months."

Initially, there would still be some relatives, friends, and colleagues visiting, but gradually, as time went on, the visits dwindled and the door became desolate

Almost instinctively, Du Xun extinguished the cigarette butt and rushed out.

Yuan Zuyue raised his head to look at me with a face full of pity, and with a bitter smile said: "Can you imagine? Life can really collapse to such an extent... I feel like I want to bang my head against the wall every day..."

Standing on the main road, Junliang forcefully pushed Du Xun away; this was the first time she had ever experienced a breakdown in her life

The originally warm yellow light is now so glaring

It is not easy for anyone to make money, and everyone fears when they ask to borrow money. This is a bottomless pit, and no one knows when the money lent out will be returned.

However, no matter how much I declined, his attitude remained quite firm. To be honest, I am quite lucky that the boys I know are all rather graceful.

"I didn't even get to see the last side, and I don't even have the money for a beating on me..." He tilted his head back and downed an entire cup of iced cola

When I got out of the taxi, I did not notice that Du Xun's car whizzed past me from behind, and both he and Jun Liang wore expressions of tragic solemnity on their faces

Du Xun wore a face of sorrow as he allowed me to humiliate him, but Ci Yuan could no longer tolerate it. With great effort, he finally managed to drag me aside: "Chu Wei, you need to calm down. This is a matter between Jun Liang and Du Xun; it is not your place to act as a champion of justice here..."

I certainly know that she has her own views. Throughout the years we have grown up together, she has always had her own way of dealing with people and situations. That way may not necessarily align with traditional notions, but it is certainly true to herself

I hurriedly got up and went downstairs to the front desk to request another cup. I truly felt that if I didn't find an excuse to avoid the situation for a moment, I would really end up crying in front of him

I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and the moonlight illuminated Junliang's bed. I suddenly realized that there was no one on the bed!

Chen Zhiqing's face was covered in tears, but upon hearing these words, she couldn't help but laugh: "What do you want from me... What can I possibly want from you... Then I want you to cut off all ties with her, and I will not hold it against you. Can you do that?"

I truly did not expect that this Yuan Zuyu, who looks like a little rogue, was actually an excellent student back in the day

From that day on, Yuan Zuyu seemed to have become a different person

When I first arrived there, I didn't communicate much with others, and I couldn't get used to the food. Every night, lying in bed and looking at the moon, I would think of you and cry... However, I didn't dare to call you, didn't want you to know that I wasn't happy. Waking up in the middle of the night with cramps in my calves, I really impulsively wanted to buy a plane ticket to fly back, to be with you, to go nowhere else, and to give up my future... But I didn't dare to call you, didn't want you to know that I wasn't happy. Waking up in the middle of the night with cramps in my calves, I really impulsively wanted to buy a plane ticket to fly back, to be with you, to go nowhere else, and to give up my future...

This sentence is filled with a subtle sadness and a profound sense of the passage of time. In fact, I am not someone who usually likes to dig deep into matters, but seeing Yuan Zuyue, who is usually carefree and unserious, suddenly appear as if he has become a different person, I couldn't help but become curious: "So why didn't you continue your studies?"

There is no other way, so I have to take out the battery to charge it. Once it is fully charged, I will call to report my safety

The passing of a father not only signifies the loss of a flesh-and-blood relative but also entails the loss of the most crucial source of income in the household

As soon as he spoke, I detected a hint in his voice: these past few days have not been easy for him either

It is merely a step's distance, yet turning back to look at that person feels as if a lifetime has passed.

Alright, it is the same if I call him.

If it were not for that incident, if it were not for the profound understanding in his mother's eyes that instead deeply hurt him, perhaps he would have truly persevered all along

As I quietly muttered to myself while scrolling through the numbers on my phone, a sudden inspiration struck me, and I decided to play a prank.

To choose what we have chosen is to bear what we must bear

While I was absent-mindedly queuing to buy cola, Junliang, Du Xun, and Chen Zhiqing met at a dessert shop

A fifteen-year-old youth, with limited experience, could hardly fathom such cruel terms as "returning light to the shadow".

Junliang, please, I beg you...

Nonsense, I certainly know that you haven't saved my number. If you had saved it, how could I continue to play around? I exclaimed in a sharp voice: "Oh dear, you heartless one, how could you forget even me? I am your ex-girlfriend!"

At the same time, after a day of arduous travel, Gu Ciyuan, having finished his shower at the inn, suddenly remembered that his phone had not been charged. After muttering a "shit," he hurriedly rummaged through his bag for the charger... What left him speechless was... he had only brought a universal charger.

I couldn't hold it in any longer and finally asked him, how did you know it was me? Did I fail to disguise my voice?

After the call was connected, the other party said, "I didn't save the number, who are you?"

His gaze shifted from the cola to my face, and after confirming that I was not being sarcastic but was genuinely inquiring, he let out a long sigh: "To be honest, it really is just a few simple words..."

Although I cannot empathize, I truly understand that feeling of helplessness

However, when he woke up the next day, his mother had still prepared a steaming hot breakfast, with fried dough sticks bought from the street corner and millet porridge cooked at home. Looking at these before him, the words that had originally surged to his lips had to be swallowed back down.

A series of dozens of sounds, making it unbearable to listen to the end

How can this be! ... In the future, after Junliang gets married, she will definitely have to stay by her husband's side, but what about Gu Ciyuan ... if he were to betray me and not marry me ... wouldn't I be left all alone?

It was as if years of gunpowder had accumulated and suddenly exploded. Junliang crouched on the ground, hoarsely shouting at Du Xun: "Don't mind me, don't touch me, just go, please go..."

In that case, I will not hesitate to ask: "So later on, why did you drop out of school?"

It is truly terrifying, really too terrifying

A strange light flickered in his eyes, and after a brief pause, he suddenly said softly: "I also won an award in the mathematics competition back in the day"

Jun Liang nodded gently, turned around, and began to walk away. Just after taking a step, she was called back by Du Xun.

It was only at this moment, when Ci Yuan and Jun Liang both had their own matters to attend to, that I realized how small my social circle truly was. Aside from them, I hardly had any other friends, and this realization left me feeling quite anxious

... ...

Sitting in the passenger seat, Junliang was so exhausted that she had no strength left. She rolled down all the windows and heard Du Xun on the phone with Chen Zhiqing: "Wait for me there, don't go anywhere. I will come to pick you up and take you home later."

The boy, who had never shed a single tear since he became aware of the world, could not help but let the tears flow uncontrollably in front of his father's sickbed. The hospital room was perennially filled with the scent of disinfectant. The tears fell onto his father's emaciated hand, warm to the touch

When I mentioned Du Xun's appointment with Jun Liang, her expression was indifferent, and she simply replied with a "good"

Du Xun's eyes were bright, he paused for a moment and said with a smile, "Jun Liang, take care."

If it were not for the sudden disaster that befell his father, they would have been considered a happy and content family of three

I have heard that it is only after growing up that people begin to sob, whereas in our childhood, without exception, we all cried out loudly.

I glared at him; if my eyes could shoot arrows, he would probably be riddled with a thousand wounds by now

Ignoring the distant advice, I turned to Du Xun and said: "You should not disturb her anymore. Such a significant event has occurred in her family... She is already very sad, very sad. It's just that she has always been concerned about her image and refuses to show it... She didn't cry when her mother went abroad; if she weren't heartbroken to the extreme, how could she have run to the rooftop in the middle of the night to hide and cry... Du Xun, you are really too cruel, you are too cruel..."

However, the difference lies in the fact that Gu Ciyuan comes from a well-off family, while Yuan Zuyu's family background is relatively ordinary

In fact, I can no longer bear to ask further, but for some reason, he is willing to continue speaking with me. He said: "Song Chuwei, you may not realize it yourself, but you have a pair of eyes that are very good at listening."

She patted Ci Yuan's stiff face and said, "Dear, this inn is fully booked, please let me stay for one night." After saying this, she pushed Ci Yuan aside and walked straight in.

After a moment of silence, he finally said: "Well, then I trouble you to properly educate the child, so that he does not grow up to be like Song Chuwei, that fool."

After passing this intersection, it will take another fifteen minutes to reach the girls' dormitory. Once I return, I will go straight to sleep; it is nothing to worry about.

Tonight there is a breeze, we walk side by side on the quiet long street, the leaves under our feet make a faint sound, and I suddenly recall a line from a song, do you remember how the streetlights cast a yellow glow on our faces

On this evening, Yuan Zuyue completely shed his usual ferocity and eccentricity. He patted my head and said, "There are no more buses, let me take you home by taxi."

Perhaps it is the empathy for the suffering of others, as I spoke, tears unexpectedly streamed down my face

In the blink of an eye, I was startled by the sudden thought that flashed through my mind. In an instant, cold sweat broke out, and forgetting about Tang Yuanyuan, I turned on the light with a "pop". Sure enough, she pulled the blanket over her head and shouted angrily, "Song Chuwei, how can you be so inconsiderate? Can't you turn on the bedside lamp when you go to the bathroom?"

Yuan Zuyue's father is a plumbing maintenance worker at a property management company, and his salary is not substantial, but he is the only breadwinner in the family. His mother gave birth to him later in life, and due to her poor health, she retired early, focusing her life on taking care of the family's daily needs.

For a long time, Du Xun crouched down and tightly embraced the shivering Jun Liang, who was murmuring to himself. That feeling of heartache was unprecedented for him. He understood his choice and also the price that this choice would entail.

As I watched him smile while speaking of these originally painful and cruel matters, an inexplicable sense of sorrow arose within me

In those brief minutes climbing up to the rooftop, my heart was in my throat, unsure whether I was praying or talking to myself, my lips continuously murmuring, and only upon careful listening did I realize that I had been calling out Junliang's name.

Perhaps it was on that night that certain things in the dark had already been foretold

In fact, I really want to tell him that I understand.

He stood there in silence for a long time, as if all the youth was gradually spilling through his fingers. Junliang buried her face behind his back and sobbed for a long time

In the corner of the dessert shop, a bunch of yellow light hangs above a red sofa, and the once delicious desserts emit a pale glow under the light, causing a loss of appetite

Indeed, the streetlights really cast a yellow hue on our faces

After connecting to the internet via Wi-Fi and logging into QQ, it was quite strange; Song Chuwei was not present, Du Xun was not present, Su Junliang was not present, and Chen Zhiqing was also not present... Could it be that these four individuals have made plans to play mahjong together?

"Well then..." Du Xun looked at the incessantly flowing vehicles on the road and gave a bitter smile: "Alright, I will take you back. After tonight, you will never see me again, rest assured."

In fact, a long time ago, his father vaguely sensed that something was wrong with his health. However, firstly, he found it troublesome; secondly, he was deceiving himself, always thinking that it was nothing serious; and thirdly, and most realistically, he did not want to waste money. Therefore, he continued to endure it.

If my mother knew that the daughter she gave birth to is so boring, would she regret not having suffocated me back then

Years later, when he spoke of these things, he could almost laugh it off: at that time, he truly felt that the house was bare, that he was destitute, and that he wanted to die.

I never expected that it would turn out this way. I couldn't help but laugh inwardly, yet I maintained a facade of deep affection: "It's nothing, I just wanted to tell you that I will raise the child on my own, so you can rest assured!"

Ci Yuan held me tightly, frantically flipping through the tissues, but the one who actually handed the tissue to me was Du Xun

After a suffocating silence, he calmly asked, "So, what is it that you need from me?"

Outside the door is that stunning face, which possesses an indescribable charm when it smiles

During the charging period, he transferred the photos from his DSLR to the computer, sifting through them one by one, muttering to himself: "If I take a hundred shots of the same scene, I should be able to pick out at least one outstanding one... But this isn't professional enough. A professional photographer should find the right angle, ensuring that even if only two or three shots are taken, one excellent photo can still be selected..."

I had no mood to argue with her, nor did I have the time to explain. I casually grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around myself before rushing out.

When the haggard Du Xun stood in front of me with Ci Yuan, pleading for my help to arrange a meeting with Jun Liang, I felt as if I had been injected with adrenaline: "Meet her, you big-headed ghost! How can you still have the face to see her! Why don't you just go die..."

As the heavy slippers on my feet stepped onto the last step of the staircase, I heard a short, muffled sob. For some reason, at that moment, my previously anxious heart suddenly found peace.

Her lips were coated with cherry-colored lip gloss, and when she smiled, her teeth appeared even whiter. She patted my face and said, "Don't worry, I have my own ideas."

The sky is dotted with only a few scattered stars, and the entire world seems as if it will never shine again

Yuan Zuyue's hand was tightly clenched into a fist, the once resolute boy, as unyielding as a stubborn rock, felt his face in the darkness, which was damp.

He raised his eyebrows: "Then you should go back and rest... I will not disturb you again in the future."

Upon this reflection, I immediately realized that I must find friends other than Junliang and Ciyuan, so that when they come looking for me one day, I can arrogantly say to them: I'm sorry, but I'm not available!

Otherwise, how could Chen Zhiqing's complexion turn pale in that instant

One noon, Yuan Zuyu brought congee to the hospital and was pleasantly surprised to find that his father's spirits seemed to have improved significantly. At that moment, he still believed in the existence of miracles in life

Yuan Zuyue glanced at me with an extremely disdainful look and said: "It is you who do not understand me; I am quite sensitive to numbers. I can recite any number I have seen twice from memory."

When it comes to this matter, Yuan Zuyu's brows have been tightly furrowed, clearly indicating that he is feeling quite distressed.

The world is indifferent, and one knows the warmth and cold of their own situation; it turns out that this is indeed the case.

As Junliang carefully scrutinized Chen Zhiqing, Chen Zhiqing was also meticulously examining this rival who had "forcibly taken her love" during her time as an exchange student.

It must be some type of sesame cake that came over to borrow a card reader, and Ci Yuan couldn't even be bothered to look through the peephole, directly opening the door.

Have you ever heard that kind of crying, that kind of feeling

I have had this habit since childhood; when I get excited, I tend to speak without thinking.

In fact, there is nothing much to say; no matter how carefully one chooses their words, and regardless of how perfect the reasons may be, it cannot lessen the harm. This principle is understood by both Du Xun and Jun Liang.

At the very moment he turned around to open the car door, a pair of hands embraced him from behind. In that fleeting instant, Du Xun did not dare to move, fearing that he might awaken something.

Leave Chen Zhiqing alone

The wind is so strong, the car lights are so bright, the footsteps of passersby are so hurried, in this vast world, at this moment, Su Junliang has only herself.

I waved goodbye to Yuan Zuyu

I was instantly furious: "What are you pretending to be, a government official who is busy with a multitude of affairs?"

It is very difficult to endure a day without being together with you

As I climbed the stairs while dialing his number, I never expected that the voice on the other end was not that of my familiar boyfriend, but rather the cold, mechanical voice of a woman: "Sorry, the number you have dialed is turned off"

Just as I was wondering, the door of the room made a sound

Still in the same place, the traffic flows endlessly outside the glass windows of McDonald's, while the opposite side is ablaze with lights

And at the place they were heading to, Chen Zhiqing was still foolishly waiting in place for a lost soul to return. She did not know that that person had already gone too far, with no intention of turning back...

There is little benefit in saying more; silence is golden. Ci Yuan is right; ultimately, this is still their own matter. As an outsider, it is better for me not to interfere.

"Well, this is exactly the kind of thing a bookworm would say, lacking any artistic sensibility. Of course, you wouldn't understand my unconventional expression." He shot me a glance.

Du Xun, I have already lost my father and mother, and I do not want to lose you again

I hung up the phone feeling dejected, muttering a phrase that only I knew.

I "cut" with a sound, you are truly illiterate, eyes are meant for seeing, not for hearing

Years later, Yuan Zuyu spoke of that period: "It was just like those scholars and successful candidates in ancient times; apart from aspiring to be the top scholar and stand out, there were no other thoughts in my mind"

Because I cannot discern her joys and sorrows, I have no grasp of her thoughts. However, as a good sister, I still advised her not to go: "Forget it, Junliang, it's better to part on good terms; there's no need to meet. Even if he wants to give you an explanation, what can he possibly explain? Do you still trust this person?"

Jiang Liang actually heard all these words, but she was too exhausted to care anymore, whatever happens, let it be

Du Xun's car stopped in the open area in front of the girls' dormitory. Jun Liang opened her eyes and saw the familiar dormitory. She opened the car door and was about to get out, but unexpectedly, she was grabbed by Du Xun.

He explained to me that their class organized a trip to the ancient town for field study, returning after four days. Noticing that I have been busy accompanying Junliang these days, he did not mention it to me. After all, it is just four days, which will pass in the blink of an eye

But ...? ... Who can I turn to ...? I have a conflicting energy with Tang Yuanyuan, and there seems to be something very subtle between Lin Muses. Perhaps I can't say that I dislike her very much, but if she doesn't come to find me, I absolutely do not want to seek her out. As for Shen Yan... well, he should be dating in his spare time from work, so why should I be an inconsiderate third wheel

It is like placing a pigeon inside a box and then closing the lid, the sound of its wings flapping gradually fades away, becoming silent.

Many boys of his age are still immersed in anime, martial arts, basketball, and even in a vague curiosity about the opposite sex and the anxiety of physiological changes, yet he is not. In his world, there are only books and schoolwork

Du Xun and Jun Liang exchanged a glance, as if sharing a certain understanding, but ultimately it was Du Xun who diverted the topic: "Zhi Qing, it is all my fault, no matter how many mistakes there are... I don't even know how to express it anymore. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it..."

Regardless of how loudly the slogan of "gender equality" is proclaimed in this era, at times, the choices of boys still manage to satisfy the vanity of girls to a certain extent

This hoarse voice was filled with anxiety, remorse, sadness, and helplessness: "Chuwu, it is all my fault, I admit it... You help me bring Junliang out, and I will give everyone an explanation"

As Du Xun's car passed by this McDonald's, Yuan Zuyu had already consumed half of his second cup of cola

He smiled at me and said, next time don't impersonate my ex-girlfriend, if you really have feelings for me, just be my current girlfriend instead

At that moment, they felt as if they were in an ancient wasteland. Junliang heard Du Xun's soft question: "May I hold you once more?"

Chen Zhiqing endured and endured, but tears still fell uncontrollably. After a long, long time, she asked softly: "How did you meet?"

Du Xun lit a cigarette and took two deep puffs, finally speaking to Chen Zhiqing with a heart full of despair: "Zhiqing, I do not wish to deny that we indeed had feelings in the past. You may consider me of low character, but I truly have not entertained any thoughts of betraying you over the past two years..." At this point, Du Xun found it difficult to control his emotions, his voice even choked with sobs: "Zhiqing, please do not be too sad. Someone like me... is not worth it."

Sitting beside them, Junliang was as stiff as a stone sculpture, completely motionless, yet her heart continued to sink deeper and deeper

Before Du Xun could react, Jun Liang felt as if she had been doused with boiling water from head to toe, her whole body tingling. She sprang up from the sofa, not uttering a single word, and hurriedly ran outside.

After a long period without a response, Du Xun's lips curled into a slight arc, and his expression, though calm, was filled with a sense of self-mockery. It is understandable; what right did he have to make such a request, and how could he still have the face to put forth such a demand

As we exited McDonald's, Yuan Zuyu and I simultaneously said, "Shall we take a walk?" After saying this, both of us laughed again

Speaking of this matter, Yuan Zuyu first let out a heavy sigh. After a long while, a self-mocking smile appeared on his face: "Because... I am poor."

Chen Zhiqing has a face that lacks any sense of aggression; it is not that she is not beautiful, but rather that this kind of beauty requires serious and patient observation. Unlike Jun Liang, who, upon sitting there, with her icy beauty and imposing demeanor, immediately makes all the other girls around her appear as mere ordinary figures.